Late-Breaking Polls Indicate Russia Will Likely Lose House But Retain Senate

As voters across the United States prepare to head to the ballot box, multiple last-minute polls are pointing to the House switching hands while the Senate remains in the hands of the Russian Federation.

President Putin was philosophical about the likely loss of the lower chamber.

“Obviously I prefer to control all three levers of power, but we will make do.”

He is nevertheless pleased to remain in control of the executive branch, which he intends to hold on to well into the next decade.

“I have not even begun to use everything in my bag of tricks yet, so do not worry about 2020.”

Though he did not elaborate, they are believed to include online voter persuasion, increased use of stooges, and gravity.

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