“At Least He Didn’t Have Access To Jarts” Say Authorities Of Florida School Shooter

Trying to extract some positive from the horror in Florida, local authorities reflected today on how much more carnage the school shooter could have caused were it not for sensible regulations.

“At least he didn’t have access to Jarts because they are thankfully banned in this country.”

The outlawed lawn toys feature sharp metal tips designed to stick into the ground when the Jart is lobbed underhand causing it to fall in a large parabolic arc.

“This could have been so much worse.”

When asked what could be done to prevent tragedies like this happening again, they say they are staying focused on making sure this is as bad as it gets.

“Our number one priority right now is to ensure the Jart ban isn’t repealed, and, beyond that, we are taking a serious look at banana peels.”

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