Literary World Up In Arms Over Nobel Prize Being Awarded To Bob Dylan

The literary world has been shaken upside-down by the surprise award of the Nobel Prize for literature to Bob Dylan. Prominent among the critics is Ngũgĩ Wa Thiong’o, who had been the favorite to take the prestigious award this year.

“This is such bullshit. It should have been Morrissey.”

The Kenyan author, whose story Ituĩka Rĩa Mũrũngarũ: Kana Kĩrĩa has been translated into over 30 languages, says his preference for the Mancunian crooner is not just personal, but is rooted in his work.

“What kind of writing is ‘The answer is blowin’ in the wind?’ It tells me nothing. But ‘I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar’ – now that’s good writing.”

Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami says his first preference would have been David Bowie had he not ruled himself out of contention by dying, but also believes it should have been Moz by a mile.

“All Bob Dylan ever does is scowl. Morrissey can scowl with the best of them and he also does things like pose with a cat on top of his head. That alone should guarantee him literature’s highest award.”

Last year’s winner Belarusian journalist Svetlana Alexievich believes the award should have gone to a bone fide composer of prose, and used simple arithmetic to back up her argument.

“The average Dylan song only has about 200 words, while a novel typically has 50,000 – 100,000 words or even more. So he’s getting the top prize for only doing a tiny fraction of the work. This is such bullshit.”

Norwegian playwright Jon Fosse went even further after making a damning discovery.

“Not only does this charlatan hardly write anything but when he does he REPEATS HIMSELF OVER AND OVER!!! Try doing that in a proper book and people would be asking for their money back.”

When reached for comment, famed US novelist Philip Roth could barely bring himself to discuss the matter, such was his disgust.

“Such. Bullshit.”

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