Local County Clerk Assistant Cites Kim Davis Case As Reason He Cannot Answer Phone Since Caller Might Not Be Saved

Image credit: adapted from flickr user cell105 "What's all the fuss about?" under license CC-BY-2.0.

[Southwestern PA]  Local Assistant to the County Clerk Jay Simmons is sympathetic to the plight of Kim Davis because, just like the pious Kentucky County Clerk, he also believes his right to religious freedom means he should be allowed to keep his state employment while not doing any of the things that would violate his deeply held convictions, which just happy to coincide with much of his job description.

Jay explains that he found his faith right about the time his unemployment ended.

“I had just been offered this job which I was led to believe would be fairly easy because historically things had been slow. But on my first day I was warned that they were understaffed due to cutbacks and the local population had increased significantly due to outside investment – so things could get quite hectic. That’s when the Holy Spirit touched me.”

After a brief display that involved rolling his eyes into the back of his head and mumbling gibberish, Jay joyously informed the rest of the office that he was now ‘Blessed in the Lord’, and also that he could no longer in good conscience have any dealings with the gay looking person who had just entered to file a zoning permit. The rest of the nominally Christian staff fully supports him in his devotion to the Almighty.

“Jay will spend his whole lunch break studying the Bible and taking copious notes on all the versus that prohibit things, because he’s that dedicated to serving His Savior. He puts us all to shame, frankly.”

Most recently, Jay was reported to be ‘totally freaking out’ over Kim Davis being taken into custody, and is currently putting in unpaid overtime to help clear all the backlogs that have developed since he took up his position.

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