Local Man Vows To Leave Pittsburgh For 19,000th Time

Saying he ‘absolutely means it’ this time, native-born Pittsburgh resident Gregory Benz has announced he is leaving the city for good because he’s ‘had it’ with this town. This is not the first time Greg has insinuated he’s moving away from the Steel City – a friend who tallies his remarks estimates this is the 19,000th time he’s done so, give or take a few.

“I base my number on him saying it three time a day on average for 17 years.”

When on an extended rant about how much he hates Pittsburgh, Greg is known to cite it being too small for a city but too big for a town, the poor state of the roads, people being too nebby here, and, of course, the weather.

“Greg has a point there. I’m think I’m going to leave too. I won’t of course.”

When it comes to actually leaving, however, Greg never seems to get anywhere, which is understood to be a result of Pittsburgh’s low rents compared to those in cities people fantasize about moving to, as well as a mysterious psychological death-grip Pittsburgh seems to exert on people that Science has yet to explain.

“It’s like a black hole in that regard, and many other regards.”

Friends and family are already planning a big party to celebrate the 20,000th occasion of Greg saying he’s leaving without following through when it happens roughly a year from now.

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