(Pittsburgh, PA) Meteorologists are warning that a heavy precipitation system threatening Pittsburgh is going to be more serious that expected, and they have consequently revised their forecast.

“We are upgrading this system to Buy all the milk and bread n’at now.”

Area Giant Eagles have been warned they are about to be battered by a severe system of hoarding yinzers treating this like the end of time.

“We expect our locations to look like a closed down K-Mart by tomorrow morning.”

People are also being warned to be careful where they walk.

“There’s going to be a lot of broken glass as people race to load Yuengling and IC Light into their trucks, so please exercise caution.”