Local Trump supporter Ted Ryan have many reasons to be thankful his guy got in, from the coal mining job he is looking forward to being offered any day now, to knowing the Yemeni terrorist wave plaguing his hometown of Monessen, PA, is coming to an end courtesy of the travel ban.

But nothing compares to the gift that allows him to forgo the bane of his life, moving the clock on his microwave forward for daylight saving time.

“Before I would have to dig out the manual from the bottom of the utensil drawer but now I don’t need to thanks to alternative facts.”

Instead, Ted plans to live the next six months using his own time which he calls alternative standard time (AST). If someone arranges an appointment with Ted, it’s now on them to explicitly specify EST or AST, otherwise he gets to choose.

“Thank you President Trump and Kellyanne for making this possible.”