(The White House) A man was shot dead today on the grounds of the White House by Secret Service agents who stated the suspect was holding something out in front of him that could have been a small pistol or grenade.
It was subsequently determined to be a phone which was being used to play the augmented reality game Pokémon Go. Witnesses say the deceased probably didn’t even realize he had wandered into a restricted area.
“He never looked up once, despite being yelled at repeatedly to put his hands up. Whatever he was doing he was totally engrossed.”
President Trump issued a terse response to suggestions this might have been an over-reaction by the Secret Service.
“No way – any Pokémon inside the White House or on its grounds belongs to me.”