A man in the midst of making a traditional proposal to his girlfriend in a public park has allegedly been beaten to death by enraged supporters of President Donald Trump.
It is believed the strain of the National Anthem, carried by the wind from a nearby football stadium, was heard by the assailants causing them to misinterpret the young lover’s intentions.
Tragically the man was on the cusp of proposing to his girlfriend of two years and had gotten down on one knee just before the fatal beating commenced.
The perpetrators, who were described by witnesses as wearing red baseball caps and Ted Nugent t-shirts, were quickly apprehended by police and were apologetic on learning their mistake.
“If we’d have known he was a white hetero cis-gendered aspiring family man who doesn’t even watch football but likes NASCAR we would never have done this.”
Though they will be charged, they expect to get off by using a novel ‘all sides’ defense that holds the entire nation responsible for the man’s untimely demise.