The media in the United States today resolved to address a serious problem facing society – how to fit in all the news given the frequency of mass shootings these days.

“People expect us to provide full coverage of all the news, but there are only 24 hours in the day, and so many mass shootings!”

They say there is now a real danger in this country of mass shootings completely dominating the news cycle to the exclusion of all else.

“In addition to all these mass shootings, there’s also the war in Ukraine, and even some news that doesn’t involve killing. It’s only fair!”

That’s why US media outlets are confronting the problem head-on by collectively agreeing to only cover every other major mass shooting from now on to make room for other news.

“It’s really the only solution other than implementing gun control, meaning it’s really the only solution.”

There will be exceptions allowed for truly notable mass shootings that occur out of turn.

“But that would have to be 50 or more victims to qualify in all honestly.”

They say they are also ready to adapt further to deal with whatever happens in the future.

“If necessary we will switch to only covering one out of every four mass shootings – or one out of every ten – to ensure other news gets the occasional look in.”