The White House has announced that First Lady Melania Trump will create a Public Service Announcement on how to avoid the coronavirus. We have obtained a copy of the script.
SCENE: The beautiful Melania looks into the camera.
“Hallo I am First Lady who builds tennis pavilions. But there are more important things than that, like not catching nasty Corona virus.”
CUT TO: Official Portrait of POTUS.
“This is my husband President Donald Trump. But imagine he is putrid pile of stinking virus instead. Obviously I must stay away. How do I do this?”
CUT TO: POTUS holding unbrella ten feet ahead of FLOTUS in the pouring rain.
“Fortunately this virus will never try to hold umbrella for you when it’s raining but will hog it to himself as he leaves you far behind. You will get wet but you will not get virus or orange goop on your designer clothes. This is called social distancing and it is very good thing.”
TITLE CARD: “Other Ways To Avoid Virus”
“You can also avoid virus by replacing yourself with a body double or going on nationwide tour far away from virus and telling people to BE BEST. Alternatively pretend you are already sick so you are kept in hospital and don’t have to be exposed to your husband – I mean virus.”
TITLE CARD: “Avoiding Virus At Night”
“It is critical to avoid virus at night as this is most dangerous time. Be sure you are never in same room. You want to be separated by many brick walls to avoid throwing up at sight of naked virus.”
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