President Trump’s chosen nominee Neil Gorsuch has taken his place on the US Supreme Court, which is especially painful for Democrats given the way Obama’s nominee, Merrick Garland, was never given a chance by stonewalling Republicans.
However Garland announced today that he has decided to sit on the Court anyway, after having a eureka moment while watching a rerun of his favorite sitcom Seinfeld.
“I love that show – it’s funny because they really don’t care about anyone but themselves!”
In the episode George is fired from work but elects to simply ignore the fact that the firing ever happened.
“It occurred to me that George retained his job by simply refusing to accept the reality of being fired, which is what we now call Alternative Facts. That’s when I realized I can do that too. Thank you, Kellyanne Conway!”
When asked when he will execute his bold plan to join the bench and start issuing opinions on matters before the Court, Garland says he’s already way ahead of the game.
“I’ve already moved into my chambers and am writing a stinging dissent from a conservative majority ruling. See how easy that was?”
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