Michigan Governor Promises To Only Poison Flint’s Economic Prospects From Now On

As the Flint Water Crisis continues to make headlines, Michigan Governor Rick Snyder has made it clear that residents will no longer be supplied with contaminated water to save money, given the terrible health consequences, especially for its children.

“I realize now that poisoning their brains with lead-laced water was a step too far in our drive for greater efficiency.”

In his defense he said it was a basic misunderstanding over what constituted acceptable conservative governance. He simply hadn’t realized that the health implications were that big a deal.

“Given my party’s obsession with undoing healthcare reform, I assumed that harming children was not just okay, but actually a good thing. Sorry I got so confused.”

Governor Snyder pointed out that even if the poisoned children’s IQ’s aren’t affected, given where they live, Republican policies are likely to afford them little opportunity to make use of their intelligence in any case.

“No real harm done, in other words.”

1 Comment on "Michigan Governor Promises To Only Poison Flint’s Economic Prospects From Now On"

  1. The Japanese five whys. 1. Why is Detroits water too expensive? Cost 2. Why are costs high? Quality control, costs for health reasons.Detroit must charge for people that don’t pay for their water.3. Why pay for quality control? Because if you don’t control water quality people get sick from drinking it. 4. Why dont people pay for their water usage in Detroit? People are unemployed in Detroit and can’t afford water or property taxes. People in Flint are unemployed. They also can’t afford to pay for water or property taxes and Flint government can’t afford to pay Detroit for water.5. Why are people in Flint and Detroit unemployed? The cost of making cars in Detroit and Flint is higher than in other states or countries. Jobs have moved out of Fint and Detroit to save money. Why are cars more expensive to make the in Michigan?

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