Mike Pence Honors Local Personality Wendy Bell With “Mother” Award

Local Pittsburgh personality Wendy Bell is back in the news with a new gig at KDKA and for winning a Mike Pence “Mother” award. The Vice-President initiated the honor on taking office to commend those who go above and beyond in dragging society into the mid-twentieth century.

The citation was for a recent tweet in which Bell suggested men never cook dinner, instead expecting a tumbler of whiskey to be thrust in their hands before berating the kids for five minutes then watching Cronkite. Pence even managed to squeeze in a pun to the commendation, proving his robust sense of humor.

“She is a Bell-weather [SMIRK] for our times, and by our times I of course mean the Eisenhower years.”

In accordance with his beliefs that being present with another woman will instantly lead to coitus, Pence declined to present the award in person. Instead he left the Mother Medal at a podium and vacated the room before Bell was allowed to come in to collect it. Nevertheless Pence seemed quite smitten, and even risked eternal damnation when asked about it later.

“That Wendy Bell is one hot mama.”

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