Mike Pence Inconsolable After General Kelly Steals Trump’s Heart

Vice President Mike Pence is said to be heartbroken and inconsolable after coming to terms with the fact that President Trump has a new favorite in his Chief of Staff, John Kelly.

Pence realized his cherished relationship was over after General Kelly defended Trump over his calls to families of the fallen by saying he should be beyond criticism, despite Trump having fanned the flames by criticizing the actions of his predecessor.

“You don’t lie like that for someone unless it’s serious.”

Pence said he would gladly have done stuff like that more often, but figured that was Trump’s signature move and didn’t want to appear to0 clingy or that he didn’t have his own thing going on.

“Kelly made a bold move and stole my President away from me. The uniform helped too.”

Pence thought he was still numero uno up until very recently when he was walking out on football games at Trump’s urging. Pence also recalled the time Trump pointed to him and said to everyone that he was the one who wanted to hang all the gays.

“I guess he was being mean sort of, but anything is better than being ignored by the one you love.”

Ever since the press conference, Trump has only wanted John Kelly to lie for him. Pence, struggling to hold back the tears, said he is thankful that he still has ‘Mother’ in his life.

“But it’s just not the same.”

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