Millions Of Americans Celebrate Birth Of Nation They Tried To Overthrow

In what is being described as one of the largest incidences of mass cognitive dissonance in history, millions of people in the United States are celebrating the founding of that democratic nation this 4th of July weekend, despite supporting or actively participating in an effort to overthrow it just months ago.

“It’s strange – almost like if the British celebrated July 4th in 1815 after they failed to defeat the United States!”

While the British expressed expected levels of disdain towards July 4th after successfully burning Washington but subsequently experiencing defeat, the modern day insurrectionists are displaying puzzling behavior following their defeat after initial success in violently attacking the seat of US power, according to leading psychologists.

“I’m not really sure what they think they are doing paying tribute to a flag and the values it represents when they were engaging in outright sedition not long ago?”

Some posit that say the answer may lie in the low IQs of the people in question.

“For anyone of average or above-average intelligence, their brain could simply not handle the strain of holding such diametrically opposed positions, but these people seem to cope with it just fine – excel even!”

Studies show the phenomena is not limited to July 4th observances, but exhibits itself in a wide variety of ways.

“They also say they support the military yet worship those who mock its members’ sacrifice. And they lay claim to the tenets of Christianity while doing the opposite. Fascinating!”

Genuine celebrants of July 4th are advised not to try to understand these people too hard.

“You could work yourself up into quite a state trying to make sense of their convoluted brain processes. Instead just enjoy the fireworks and remember to vote!”

Help a struggling satire site out!

Be the first to comment on "Millions Of Americans Celebrate Birth Of Nation They Tried To Overthrow"

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.