Millions Of Bernie Supporters Jump To Their Deaths Rather Than Back Biden

(Portsmouth, NH) In what is now a Presidential election tradition, hordes of bitterly dissappointed Bernie Sanders supporters jumped to their demise today, just as their kind did four years ago. Such are the numbers of people who felt the Bern but cannot stomach Joe Biden, it could be days before the process is complete.

“There’s only so much cliff space available.”

Biden attempted to earn the favor of the Sanders’ supporters by cracking a few jokes and suggesting there was no reason to ‘start over’ with healthcare, but that did little to dissuade them.

“In fact it caused a significant number of his own supporters to join in.”

The congenial Biden confessed that the knowledge that vast numbers of democrats would rather snuff out their young lives than get behind his vision of business-friendly incremental liberalism hurt him. Still, he did manage to find the bright side.

“I guess it’s this or risk having some of them vote for Trump, and we don’t want that.”

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39 Comments on "Millions Of Bernie Supporters Jump To Their Deaths Rather Than Back Biden"

  1. Grow up assholes!!!

  2. Wesley Gibson | April 9, 2020 at 3:07 pm | Reply

    The fact that half of y’all are calling the fictional people in this SATIRICAL article idiots, morons, etc., just goes to show who REALLY lacks brains here

  3. The real slim shady | April 9, 2020 at 2:05 pm | Reply

    Love this 😂

  4. Bernie’s Brownshirts following Hitler’s example. Domination or death.

  5. 3-1/2 years to get ready and the dems come up with…(drumroll) …Joe Biden?

  6. True American | April 9, 2020 at 8:20 am | Reply

    Tulsi would have been awesome!! Trump 2020!!

  7. Jump jump jump go ahead and Joan

  8. I honestly cant believe any of you are saying the crap your saying. Democrat or Republican; these are still American lives that are being lost if this bullshit article is even remotely true. One of those people can be someone’s brother, sister, father, mother. Ect. And you think cracking jokes is the best thing for this. Your pathetic and should be ashamed of yourselves.

    • Their choice🤷‍♀️ Shows the moronic mentality of these young Bernie supporters…true, good ridden…not, GOD BLESS AMERICA🇺🇸

    • Not Fuckin Stupid | April 9, 2020 at 9:41 am | Reply

      The simple fact that you even remotely believe this article to be real, scares the ever living fuck out of me!! It’s that absolute stupidity that you exude, that is part of the reason why stories like this are made up. Please if you truly believe satire articles, do NOT procreate, Do NOT vote, actually…go find a dark cave in that same cliff and hide away from the world. Good Lord you people are fuckin idiots!

    • The real slim shady | April 9, 2020 at 2:04 pm | Reply

      Wow please don’t vote if you don’t know what satire is omfg

  9. It’s good we have Biden, it gives stupid people some one to vote for !

  10. GO TRUMP!!!

  11. “We cannot let this, we’ve never allowed any crisis from the Civil War straight through to the pandemic of 17, all the way around, 16, we have never, never let our democracy sakes second fiddle, way they, we can both have a democracy and … correct the public health.” I’m Joe Biden and I approve this message

  12. GO TRUMP! But if Biden picks Hillary as his VP, he is a dead man walking!

  13. Go Trump! Not one of these Demo-rats were good candidates to begin with.

  14. Does it really matter who you vote for? A vote for Democrats is a vote for death. The same people claiming ‘global warming’ are the same ones that believe there are 6,713,935,722 genders, that a beating heart and a live nervous system is still not a life, and that the Corona Virus is a racist disease.

    The best we could hope for is that anyone that’s a registered Democrat voter should have their voting rights removed. You’re seriously cramping America’s style with your bullcrap.

  15. Well here it is we already have a fruit cake in office . I can’t believe you think trump is better than Biden

    • Pattycake, you just joined the other fruitcakes.

    • You’re telling me you’d rather be restricted to their strict rules and regulations then be a free citizen? Wow! That’s a shame that people like you are so quick to give away your God given rights!! Trump isn’t doing that to you, but that’s sure as shit what every democreep will do! They’re doing it rite now in the states they control!! Brainwashed!! I know Trump is better the Biden! Far better! Trump isn’t trying to take my “everything!” God bless the brainwashed population!!!!

  16. Trump or Biden we fuck the up anyway so what its different . Vote or no vote nothing going too change.

  17. Ask yourself who is Biden going to have as VP bc that is the Real question

  18. Trump 2020 Biden can barely speak himself how in the he’ll would he speak for a nation Alzheimer’s research

  19. Any one of the Democratic candidates were “good” candidates as opposed to what is in Whitehouse.
    Keep your eye like a laser on the goal- our country depends on it. Vote for Joe Biden. GET TRUMP OUT!!!!

    • Nope Trump will and is going to serve TWO TERMS

    • Are you really stupid enough to vote for Biden. The guy is a feeble-minded mental midget.

    • The only decent democratic candidate was the girl from Hawaii all the rest were out of their minds, Joe Biden literally!

    • Keep following their plan! They’ll walk you rite off the real cliff!! God bless you and so many like you! When your eyes are finally open to the real horror that the Democreeps wanna inflict you’ll understand! But by then it’ll be far to late, if it’s not already!

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