Mitch McConnell Delays Vote On Healthcare Bill So He Can Add More Heart To It

Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has announced a delay in voting on the Senate American Healthcare Act which will now take place after the holiday.

Despite rumors it was because he didn’t have the votes, McConnell insists it’s so he can address President Trump’s criticism that the bill didn’t have enough ‘heart’.

While conceding that the request seemed strange to him, McConnell wasted no time procuring fresh still-beating hearts to make the measure more appealing to the White House.

He reportedly obtained one from a elderly person he passed on the way in this morning, and the other from a minimum wage worker with a heart ailment who was delivering pizza to his staffers early this evening. He plans to find a few more over the weekend just to be on the safe side.

When it was put to McConnell that maybe he shouldn’t have done that to those people, he replied that they were both as good as dead anyway once his healthcare bill passes into law.

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