Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has announced his re-election campaign, which he says will start in earnest after a short vacation at the beach for his annual mating ritual.
“Though the mating season runs from April to November, I plan to get it out of my system now so I can focus on my campaign.”
Unlike other politicians who can mate at any time, McConnell feels compelled to do so only at certain times of the year, and always on a beach. In a kinky twist, McConnell will often court a female he’s just met along with a number of other males.
“It’s how I roll.”
Though some supporters criticized McConnell for taking time out like this instead of starting his campaign straight away, those close to him say it’s for the best.
“If he didn’t he would become increasingly preoccupied with getting to a beach until he was incapable of functioning at all, and we wouldn’t want that, would we?”