(Louisville, KY) The family of Mitch McConnell announced today that he has been tragically afflicted by an acute illness that prevents him from seeing or hearing anything at all.
“No matter how urgent a matter is, it just doesn’t get through to him.”
They said they feel for federal workers who are suffering without paychecks during the shutdown, but communicating that to the Senate Majority leader was a medical impossibility right now.
“If only he wasn’t afflicted by this terrible malady so he could break the impasse like any Republican leader before him would.”
Freshman Democratic Senators, known for their outspokenness, doubted the specifics of the story, but did concede that McConnell was ill.
“He’s one sick f**k, that’s for sure.”