Mitch McConnell’s Body Found Under Pile Of Walkers After Threatening Social Security

He will be missed, maybe.

A day after threatening to raid Social Security to pay for the deficit run up by tax cuts for the rich, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell’s battered body has been found under a large pile of walkers and mobility scooters in a D.C. area park.

“He never stood a chance.”

Investigators at the scene are keeping tight-lipped, but did let it be known that this was a very angry and violent attack.

“The assailants even took the tennis balls off their improvised weapons so it would hurt more.”

They say they have made substantial progress in narrowing the list of suspects down to 45 million, based on U.S. census data for the number of Americans over age 65.

“Rest assured we will be interrogating each and every one by stationing officers at blue-plate specials all over the country.”

Help a poor hardworking satire site out!

11 Comments on "Mitch McConnell’s Body Found Under Pile Of Walkers After Threatening Social Security"

  1. Arthur J Williams | January 26, 2020 at 8:44 pm | Reply

    I Moscow Mitch on the other side? That’s is so convenient. If true, my the Lord have mercy on your soul.

  2. He might come up missing like Jimmy Hoffa from the American Union.

  3. Not sad, am pray this is true, jelly turkey neck mcConnell has been a bulldozer in dismantling our courts, a GOAL he’s aimed for to destroy the power of government branches authority. Is has received millions from Russian oligarchs and is with his Drug pusher chao women fraudulently places a Russian billionaire in a power to established a paper mill in Kentucky their traitor’s period. 🗽🌈🗽

  4. Oh if ONLY! Take Trump with him! They BELONG together!!!🖕Trump Party (Republican Party)!!!!!!

  5. Could be done!!! 😁

  6. Oh yeah, you bet, Moscow Mitch…aka, The Turtle!!

  7. Very sadly I must agree.

  8. Jacob R. Raitt | December 7, 2019 at 7:39 pm | Reply

    It’s a shame that there wasn’t enough left to ship back to Kentucky. Jacob

  9. useless Scum Bucker

  10. Bullet-riddled will be more like it

  11. If only…

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