The physician treating Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for a fractured shoulder bone has spoken to the press about the injury, saying he has prescribed an intensive course of thoughts and prayers.
“I ordered him to begin treatment straight away.”
The plan is based on McConnell’s well-known opposition to using science and reason to prevent devastating harm to life and limb, prefering the tried-and-true method of sending thoughts and prayers instead.
“It’s important that I respect my patient’s beliefs, especially when it come to his own health.”
Rather that provide medications to treat the significant pain associated with the fracture, the physician recommended McConnell pray ‘extra hard’ if it gets too much, just like the Senator suggests for those who don’t have health insurance or who are destined to be the next victims of preventable gun violence.
“You should also get your Republican colleagues to send thoughts and prayers as well to really speed up the biological process of recovery.”
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