The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has dropped professional right-wing troll Milo Yiannopoulos from its program, after tapes of him saying something even they couldn’t tolerate surfaced.

While CPAC was able to easily distance itself from Yiannopoulos once the decision was made, something that is having a harder time managing the task – though for entirely understandable reasons – is the mortified stool currently forming in his bowels.

“To think that I have nourished that unpleasant troll – it frankly makes me sick.”

The socially conscious turd, which began as a variety of foodstuffs consumed by the bigot over the past 36 hours, knows it is not responsible for what Yiannopoulos thinks or says. It nevertheless will be far more comfortable once it has been flushed into a rat-infested sewer.

“If someone could slip him a laxative to speed things up I’d really appreciate it.”