Special Counsel Robert Mueller sent a clear signal today that his Russia probe was progressing when he requested that the Federal Bureau of Investigation immediately commence planning an Impeachment Parade.
“James Comey has already asked to serve as lead baton twirler.”
Some worried about the cost, though Mueller said no public money need be used.
“I’ve been assured a crowdfunding campaign could raise it privately in about 10 seconds.”
Others expressed doubts that DC roads could withstand the punishment.
“That many lawyers and credible witnesses will tear the tarmac up.”
But the biggest concerns are that the very idea of a such a parade runs contrary to the anti-royalist origins of the United States.
“This is not the way we do things in this country.”
However Mueller has given assurances that his impeachment parade will not echo those of more authoritarian regimes.
“We won’t even execute him by firing squad – just peacefully celebrate driving him from office in a lawful manner.”