Following the announcement of a total ban on displays of the Confederate Flag at its events, NASCAR has been working hard today to reassure fans that rumors circulating that mullets are also banned are completely unfounded.

“All we have banned is the Stars and Bars. Idiosyncratic haircuts – even godawful ones – are still allowed.”

The news has come as welcome relief to a subset of fans who are struggling with the loss of a symbol that has adorned their trucks, bandanas, t-shirts, jackets, and underwear since before they can remember. Knowing they can still cling to their preferred hairstyle is expected to go a long way to easing the hurt feelings of fans who may feel that their identify is being erased.

“Thankfully I can hold my head – with its long hair at the back, shaved sides, and spiky top – high.”

NASCAR will also be providing educational seminars at races for those who want to learn about alternative flags they can adopt should they still wish to display one.

“We hope the revelation that the country they are actually a citizen of has a nice flag that they are more than welcome to display will be of some comfort.”

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