All across the country today angry rants accompanied by wild gesticulating and the throwing of nearby furniture will mark the sad passing of Jerry Springer, who has died aged 79. In between tributes of pantomime outrage and violence, fans spoke more soberly of what the TV talk show host meant to them.

“When I was bunking off every single one of my college classes in the 90s, I knew I had Jerry Springer waiting in my dorm to educate me. My entire understanding of the human psyche is all down to him and now I’m one of the nation’s leading psychologists.”

Colleagues talked of how Mr. Springer had given them a sense of purpose that they will be eternally grateful for.

“I used to think I was just a heavy-set balding man with nothing to offer. But Jerry taught me I have a critical role to play in the functioning of our society.”

Former guests also paid heart-felt tribute to the late host.

“If I was to throw this chair across the room it would not come close to expressing how upset I am at this news. So I will throw eight chairs.”

RIP Jerry Springer 1944-2023.