National Archives To Translate All Of President Trump’s Speeches Into English

(Washington, DC) The National Archives announced today that it will be embarking on a major project to translate all the speeches made by President Trump into English to make them accessible to all Americans now and in the future.

“Normally we would simply preserve the original recordings, but that wouldn’t work in this case.”

A crack team of second-graders – whose speech patterns most closely resemble the President’s native tongue – has been assembled to go through each speech individually and transcribe what is being said into some semblance of coherent English prose with things like arguments, points, and context.

“Just like with any poorly understood foreign language there will be some guesswork involved but it’s better than nothing.”

Computers will also be used to speed up the process, as the speeches are known to contain a lot of repetition, so a single translated passage could be reused again with only slight alterations.

“A cursory inspection reveals that only about 5% of it is original content, with the rest being the same thing said over and over until a hypnotic effect is produced.”

The translated documents are expected to amount to half of the final content produced, with the remainder taken up by trigger warnings.

Like Breaking Burgh? Don’t give us a handout because then we’ll immediately stop writing and magically turn into lazy good-for-nothing communists just like Mitch McConnell says. But you can help by buying our eBooks – capitalism at its finest!


4 Comments on "National Archives To Translate All Of President Trump’s Speeches Into English"

  1. “A crack team of second-graders”…. I was dying the whole time

  2. A new task for Sisyphus!

  3. Clever and well-written!

  4. Spot on

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.