National Lettuce Association Warns Doctors Who Say E.Coli Causes Illness To “Stay In Your Lane”

Following warnings by health officials to avoid romaine lettuce due to fears of E.coli contamination, the National Lettuce Association (NLA) pushed back today saying they had overstepped their bounds.

“How about you stay in your lane?”

The NLA also said it was pushing for legislation to make it illegal for the negative effective of consuming tainted greens to be studied using federal dollars.

“Americans have a right to any leaf vegetables they want, regardless of how much fecal matter is on them.”

Additionally, they oppose recommendations about washing lettuce before using it to make salads.

“Our members will consume their lettuce any way they damn well please.”

The American Medical Association condemned the NLA’s hardball stance, though it did approve of one proposed measure.

“We do support their initiative to get more lettuce into schools, assuming it’s not laced with E. coli, of course.”

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