Distressed hipster communities across the country have been urging the President to take the latest belligerent noises out of North Korea seriously.
“We can’t afford to lose Guac – what would I put on my oven-baked organic pita chips?”
Given Kim Jong-un’s threat to ‘wipe Guac from the face of the Earth’, they say the time is right to sit at the negotiating table and find out what it will take to make the rogue regime happy.
“Maybe we could hand over one of our overseas territories or something?”
It is already having an effect in the marketplace, where outrageously high prices in trendy eating establishments in gentrified urban areas have risen to you-had-better-be-fucking-kidding-me levels.
“I may be a Bernie Bro at heart, but if Trump can save Guac he has my support.”
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