After finally making its way to the United States following tours of Europe and the African continent, the Omicron variant spoke to the press today about how happy it was to have made it to the New World.

“Having been persecuted in so many other less-enlightened nations, it’s good to finally be somewhere that respects freedom.”

The highly transmissible virus gave a special shoutout to politicians like Ron DeSantis and Ted Cruz who have done so much to protect persecuted pathogens.

“I’m not too keen on your President Biden though – his predecessor was far more friendly. But the people here are great, well 75 million of them anyway!”

Asked how long it planned to stay, it said ‘hopefully forever’ unless it wears out its welcome – though it doubts that will be the case.

“Wherever I go there are always people ready to open their homes to me. What a fantastic country!”

Now that it’s here, Omicron plans to see as much of the United States as it can and have some fun.

“I’m really looking forward to partying hard in Florida. It’s going to be wild!”

Your support keeps the satire coming