(Ash Wednesday) The arrival of Lent is an exciting time for any priest, but for newly-ordained Father Thomas Carlio it’s a dream come true.

“What other job allows you to tell people off for not being good enough in their private lives? And everyone calls you ‘Father’ even though you’re childless. It’s like being a rockstar!”

This will be his first Ash Wednesday which he’s looking forward to immensely, even if he won’t be allowed to express himself as much as he wanted to when telling people they will return to dust one day.

“I was hoping I could go all Oprah on some of the more arrogant congregants, but apparently you’re supposed to stick to the text.”

Father Thomas has also been practicing making ash crosses on himself in order to get it just right.

“Some of these priests just make an indiscriminate blob to which I say ‘Where’s the love?’ Of course if the person won’t stay still there’s only so much you can do.”