NFL To Lower Players Onto Field For Anthem To Prevent Kneeling

The NFL has said it is not worried about players kneeling during the Super Bowl anthem, as they will be physical unable to do so.

“Instead of coming out of a tunnel, the players will be lowered onto the playing field with a crane for the anthem.”

Using safety harness technology from the world of rock-climbing, both teams will be just touching the ground but unable to go any lower until the harnesses are released.

“This highly reliable safely equipment will guarantee everyone is protected from any confrontation with reality.”

As he was getting into his harness, the Patriots quarterback was told he could stop by the crane operators.

“We’ve been told you don’t need one, Tom. Just run out like usual.”

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