(Fort Meade, MD) Reacting to accusations by FOX News host Tucker Carlson that they are spying on him, officials at the National Security Agency (NSA) today admitted that he is indeed one of their surveillance targets due to his deep command of issues of vital importance.
“Obviously it is critically important that we understand everything that is going on in that complex brain of his even above and beyond the sophisticated arguments and insights he makes public on his cable news show.”
Consequently, under the previously top secret Operation Bow Tie, the agency has been monitoring his thoughts and actions to learn valuable information, though they admit given budget constraints they sometimes have to make tough choices when allocating resources.
“He nevertheless remains a very important target of interest, right below SpongeBob SquarePants.”
They therefore admitted to spying on Carlson in a complete vindication of his assertions, to the extent that they are able once higher priorities have been met.
“Once we have spent however much time we need discussing SpongeBob based on his importance to National Security, we spend at least half as much time discussing the significance of whatever Tucker Carlson has been up to recently.”
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