President Obama has put an end to speculation that a recent $400 million cash payment to Iran had anything to do with that country releasing U.S. citizens who were being held prisoner there.
“There’s absolutely no connection between these two contemporaneous events. Total fluke.”
The President was in a good mood, which he put down to everything working out so well recently, including, he said, the opportunity to explain this misunderstanding.
“To think you wanted to know about it and just happened to be here at the same place I am today. What a stroke of luck!”
Obama then spoke at length on the remarkable good fortune that Bernie Sanders had endorsed Hillary just as the Democratic Party has adopted a more left-wing platform.
“He must the kicking himself with joy to have that come out of the blue. And in the same week Hillary gets his endorsement! They must each be counting their lucky stars.”
Things had to wrap up as Obama was due to dine with three women, which, he said, frequently end up being the wife and daughters he loves very much.
“Talk about serendipity! And how lucky is it you all left the house with microphones today? It’s made this so much easier.”
He then excused himself and turned to the Secret Service agent beside him to ask where he was going next.
“So we’re both going to same way? How fortuitous! We’ll be able to keep each other company.”