Realizing it was about to face yet another #OscarsSoWhite controversy, the organizers of this awards ceremony have put out an emergency call to Barnes & Noble for assistance.

“We heard Barnes & Noble found a way to make stories about white people instantly more diverse.”

With the crop of movies and actors in consideration this year being whiter than the establishment of Victorian England, they say they need all the help they can get.

“Obviously there must be more to it than slapping the faces of a few black people on the cover of Frankenstein and Moby Dick.”

With the 2020 Awards broadcast about to begin they are desperately hoping the book retailer calls back with the magic secret to making stories about white people more diverse without having to change them in any significant way.

“We’re really depending on them because all anyone else can think of is making more diverse movies to begin with and having a voting membership that doesn’t only represent the cranky old white guy demographic.”