After he forced the reading out loud of the 628-page Senate coronavirus relief bill on the floor, fellow Senators got their revenge on Ron Johnson today when he asked for the restroom key. They objected to allowing Johnson to move straight to the urination process, insisting instead that Senate clerks take turns to read the complete US Sanitation code out loud first.
“Don’t worry – it will only take a few hours.”
Despite the Wisconsin Senator’s insistence that he really needed to go ‘right now’, Majority Leader Charles Schumer said procedure had to be followed and a full reading of the code was in order.
“We’d hate for you to relieve yourself without a complete understanding of everything in the US sanitation code.”
The move to have a full reading of the code received strong bipartisan support, with all Democrats and a significant number of Republicans moving to have Johnson hold it and listen to the code before being granted restroom access. In order to make the reading more pleasant, Senator Bernie Sanders played some ambient background music through his smartphone.
“It’s a lovely Brian Eno track that sounds like a trickling waterfall.”
All involved rejected accusations that this was revenge for Johnson engaging in a pointless delay tactic that gave the clerks sore throats, with Schumer explaining it was to ensure Senator Johnson knew exactly what issues he could face as he relieved himself.
“We only want the best for Ron and his bladder.”
WE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP GOING!