The Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission has announced the latest toll increases for drivers wishing to travel on I-76. This time it says it is being responsive to criticisms it has received from the public, and thinking ‘outside the box’.
“We realize at this point people driving on the turnpike don’t have any money left to give, and we are sympathetic to that reality.”
Instead, drivers will be able to pay with their first born child, either by coming to a halt at the cash toll booths or by throwing them out of the window into a bouncy castle next to the EZ PASS lane.
“Just remember if it’s a two-way trip to bring your second born along to pay for the return journey.”
Those who don’t have children will be allowed to pay with spare organs instead.
“If you are traveling from Pittsburgh to DC a spleen will get you to the Breezewood exit, but if you plan to go to Philly make sure you have two functional kidneys before embarking on your journey.”
WE DEPEND ON YOU TO KEEP GOING!