It’s already the year 2022 in Australia and the message from Down Under to the rest of the world couldn’t be clearer. “You know how bad 2021 was? Well, it only gets worse. Don’t do…
STEELERS BRIEF: After rampant speculation about his forthcoming retirement, Steelers franchise QB Ben Roethlisberger has effectively admitted that the upcoming Monday night home game against the Cleveland Browns will be the last time he throws…
(Altanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced their latest recommendation today that Senator Rand Paul (R – KY) self- isolate for the next 10,950 days. CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky explained that this…
After having been convicted on 5 out of 6 counts in her trial, disgraced socialite Ghislaine Maxwell has asked to be given a light sentence in exchange for her procuring all the underage concubines the…
Researchers in the field of dermatology are publishing their amazing finding of the thinnest known human skin which they discovered on the body of former Pittsburgh news reporter and current shock jock, Wendy Bell. Using…
(Dallas, TX) First Baptist Church is still on fire following a visit by former President Trump for services in the week before Christmas, according to the area fire marshall. The unexplained blaze broke out while…
CAPITOL BRIEF: Leading figures in the coal and gas industries that have donated generously to Manchin’s political campaigns over the years said today they will be holding future contributions over concerns about how they would…
Following Senator Joe Manchin’s torpedoing of the Build Back America bill – allegedly in part due to a belief that child tax credits would be spent on drugs – members of the powerful Drug Dealers…
Numerous members of the Democratic Party are hospitalized today – with many in traction – after a ‘trust fall’ exercise on the steps of the Capitol went horribly wrong this morning. Intended as a team…
(Battle Creek, MI) The Kellogg Company [MYSE: K] announced today that Corn Flakes are being permanently discontinued after company management became unsatisfied with how the product was performing. “We tried to work with Corn Flakes…
Following multiple deaths in an Amazon warehouse in Illinois due to tornado damage, company founder Jeff Bezos has taken to twitter to express his personal sorrow over the tragic loss. “I am heartbroken at the…
Following his latest maskless appearance in public, medical experts are urging Ted Cruz to cover up whenever he is around others to prevent a serious outbreak of people seeing what he looks like up close…
Not to be outdone by fellow Republicans Thomas Massie and Lauren Boebert, Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene today posted a photo of herself in front of the family Christmas tree together with her favorite warhead….
After finally making its way to the United States following tours of Europe and the African continent, the Omicron variant spoke to the press today about how happy it was to have made it to…
Speaking through his attorney today, accused murderer Kyle Rittenhouse said that, given his present legal problems, dating is difficult so the use of a professional to provide him with a steady supply of young girls…
Sesame Street was thrown into chaos today on news that one of its well-known residents, Cookie Monster, is not vaccinated against COVID despite leading everyone to believe that he was. With vaccination rates believed to…
Amazon stock (NASDAQ:AMZN) hit new heights today, closing at $3,859.21 on news of the latest innovation in the e-commerce company’s relentless drive to ever-increasing efficiency. Following a successful pilot scheme, it plans to install Squid-Game-style…
Responding to a rising incidence of unhappy parents saying they want changes to public school teaching plans and mask mandates, President Biden took action today that he says will finally satisfy everyone. “I have ordered…
(The White House) Jen Psaki has announced she will be working from home following a positive test result indicating she is highly intelligent. Physicians at the Walter Reed Medical Center expressed concern that this is…
(Mar-a-Lago, FL) With the 2022 elections looming, GOP candidates are eager to win former President Trump’s favor given his continued popularity with the party base. But they were all disappointed today when Trump revealed who…
