FOX NEWS To Air Newly Discovered Footage Documenting Jesus’s Time On Earth
In exciting news for Christians everywhere, the FOX News channel is to air a stunning newly discovered documentary on the life of Jesus Christ. Comprised in large part of amazing ‘found footage’ depicting the actual…
Justice Kavanaugh Delivers Blistering Oral Dissent In Landmark LGBT Case
SCOTUS BRIEF: With a majority of the US Supreme Court, led surprisingly by Justice Gorsuch, finding sexual orientation protections for workers in a LGBT victory today, Justice Samuel Alito delivered a pointed written dissent criticism…
Fears Grow Fort Hitler And AFB Ho Chi Minh May Also Be Renamed If Anti-Confederate Movement Continues
As calls increase to change the names of US military bases named for Confederate officers, there are fears that some beloved lesser-known installations – that are also named for former enemies of the United States…
Trump To Eliminate All Disease By Getting Rid Of Doctors
Quick on the heels of his fascinating insight that there’d be no Coronavirus cases if we’d only stop testing for it, President Trump has announced a bold initiative to combat the leading causes of death…
NASCAR Reassures Anxious Fans That Mullets Are Still Allowed
Following the announcement of a total ban on displays of the Confederate Flag at its events, NASCAR has been working hard today to reassure fans that rumors circulating that mullets are also banned are completely…
Mexico Offers To Pay For Sandpit To Go With Trump’s Baby Wall
Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador today indicated his country’s willingness to go along with President Trump’s call to pay for some of his infrastructure projects following what they say was an initial misunderstanding of…
Millions Of ANTIFA Provocateurs Discovered In Training Camps All Over America
President Trump today successfully unmasked one of the supposed victims of police violence in Buffalo as a vicious ANTIFA provocateur, determined to undermine law enforcement by deliberately bleeding from his head onto the pavement. However…
Police Officer Kills Restaurant Worker Who Approached Him With Knife And Fork
A policeman who shot a restaurant worker fifteen times has been cleared of any wrongdoing, after a jury found him not guilty of any crime because he was in fear of his life. Witnesses testified…
Guinness Book Of Records Official Arrives In DC To Confirm World’s Biggest Baby Fence
A representative of the Guinness Book of World Records arrived in Washington DC today to confirm claims of a successful largest-ever baby fence attempt made during the previous week. The verification of the world-breaking record…
Trump’s Inspection Of White House Bunker Finds It Highly Suitable For Cowardice
Facing criticism for retreating to a White House bunker recently, it was revealed today that President Trump was not barricaded underground for fear of protest crowds gathered outside, but was merely inspecting the facility instead….
Cap’n Crunch Joins General Mattis In Denouncing Trump
In a sign of worsening problems for President Trump, an excoriating article by General Mattis was endorsed today by Cap’n Crunch, who echoed Mattis’s description of the President as unfit. “Quite frankly, I would make…
Photo Of Crushed Water Bottle Wanted For Forcing Police Crackdown Released
(Pittsburgh, PA)A photo has been released of the culprit responsible for forcing law enforcement’s hand against protesters at Center and Negley in the East End of the city. “Any information leading to the apprehension of…
Latest DC Fire The Result Of Book Bursting Into Flame Says Fire Marshal
As protests continue in Washington DC, local firefighters have to remain vigilant, and be both prepared to put out the worst fires while being mindful of the situation on the ground. “We’ve been seeing a…
Reports POTUS Is Down Declared A False Alarm “He’s just playing possum”
(The White House) There was near chaos in Washington DC today following reports that the President was down. However the Secret Service quickly got the situation under control and announced that, despite being found motionless…
SpaceX Astronauts Tell Earth “We’re just going to chill up here until 2021”
Following a highly successful launch on Saturday, the combined NASA/SpaceX manned mission was thrown off course today when astronauts sent the following message: “Decided we’re just going to chill up here until 2021. See you…
Trump Confident His ‘MAGA Night’ Supporters Will Comply With Mask-Wearing Guidelines
President Trump has tweeted that tonight is ‘MAGA Night’ at the White House – which has been interpreted as a call for his supporters to stage counter-protests following demonstrations against police brutality and killing. Trump…
Cautious White Supremacist Calls White House To Confirm Dog Whistle
A neo-Nazi who marched in Charlottesville called the White House today to confirm the latest racist dog whistle sent out by President Trump. “That tweet about looting and shooting was one, right?” Though he clearly…
Minneapolis Police Unsure What To Do With Black Suspect They Captured Alive
There was confusion in Minneapolis today when police attempted to shoot a black male who was reported by someone as being suspicious. Before they knew what had happened, the suspect – being perfectly aware of…
Twitter Shuts Trump Down Completely By Banning Misspelled Tweets
The war between President Trump and social media platform Twitter escalated dramatically today with Trump being effectively denied the ability to access his followers. “As of today, misspelled tweets are banned.” Twitter executives denied they…