Breaking Burgh - Page 3 of 54 - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Politics, World August 21, 2017

Putin Agrees To Contribute To Secret Service Budget Because ‘It’s Only Fair’

The Secret Service has revealed it has already exhausted its annual budget to protect President Trump, due to his extensive travel and predilection for appointing family members to his administration. However salvation has appeared in…

Arts & Entertainment August 20, 2017

France To Hold Ten Days Of Official Mourning For Jerry Lewis

Comedy legend Jerry Lewis has died at the age of 91 and tributes have been pouring in, with one of the first being from French President Emmanuel Macron. “The Republic of France expresses its condolences…

Politics, Science, Weather, World August 20, 2017

Trump Warns North Korea Carrying Out Threat To Block Sun Will Be Met With Nuclear Strike

Kim Jong-un has upped the ante yet again with his most recent threat to block the Sun from shining using the latest in space-based North Korean offensive technology. “We will darken the star that shines…

Business, Law & Order, Science August 20, 2017

Drug Cartels Switch Over To Smuggling Solar Eclipse Glasses

It’s the same old story – Americans flush with cash want something illegal or in short supply and criminal elements appear to supply it. “First it was pot, then cocaine, and now eclipse glasses.” Demand…

Bigotry, Holidays, Politics August 20, 2017

Racist Uncle Fears He’s Going To Be Taken Down This Thanksgiving

A local man who does not wished to be named has said his turkey dinner may be the latest victim of Trump’s Presidency – which he enthusiastically supported until now. This is because he is…

Arts & Entertainment, Literary, Music, Politics, Theatre August 19, 2017

President To Host Trump Center Honors In Which Ted Nugent Wins Everything

President Trump has sent his regrets saying he is unable to make the traditional appearance at the Kennedy Center Honors as it conflicts with his own Trump Center Honors taking place on the same night…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV August 19, 2017

Mr. Burns Leading Candidate To Fill Vacant Role Of White House Chief Strategist

With Steve Bannon now out of the White House, the question on everyone’s mind is who will fill the vacant role of Chief Strategist to the President. Leading the field right out of the gate…

Politics August 18, 2017

“At Least Now I Can Relax And Let Myself Go” Says Steve Bannon

It may not be exactly what fired Trump administration member Steve Bannon wanted, but being outside of the White House has its advantages, according to the former Chief Strategist. “At least now I can relax…

Bigotry, Politics August 18, 2017

Oval Office Subfloor Says It Can No Longer Support This President

First the entire President’s arts council quit in protest at his recent remarks, and now a more critical desertion has taken place involving the subfloor of the Oval Office. “I cannot support this President in…

Bigotry, Politics August 18, 2017

Steve Bannon Stepping Down To Spend More Time With His Race

The President’s Chief Strategist in the White House, Steve Bannon, is leaving his position. Though rumors have spread that he was dismissed, Bannon says that working in the White House is very demanding and he…

Politics August 18, 2017

Local Trump Supporter Convinced George Soros Behind Missing Car Keys

(Sharon, PA) A local elderly man who missed a doctor’s appointment today because he couldn’t find his car keys is sending any bill he receives to the Democratic Party. At first he thought he had…

Politics, World August 17, 2017

White House Confirms No Statues Were Hurt In Barcelona Attack

The White House has released a statement on the Barcelona attack saying the President has been in touch with the Spanish government to convey his condolences. “Though this is a horrific attack, it appears that…

Bigotry, Politics, Science August 17, 2017

Sun To Protest Trump By Symbolically Darkening Heartland For Two Minutes

Though the Sun hates interfering in the details of planets – preferring instead to focus on gravitational orbits and providing heat and light – the President’s recent remarks about Charlottesville have proved too much for…

Bigotry, Politics August 16, 2017

President Trump Inspires Steve Bannon To Up His Racism

Senior White House advisor Steve Bannon was in buoyant form today, which he credits to President Trump for inspiring him to up his game by example. “I became lazy because I assumed I was the…

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, Politics, TV August 16, 2017

Trump Says Black And White Lodges Both To Blame For Death Of Laura Palmer

President Trump has revealed that he is a fan of the TV show Twin Peaks, after being asked what he thought about the death of Laura Palmer and the role of the Black and White…

Bigotry, Food, Politics August 16, 2017

Baltimore Destroys All Of Its KFC Restaurants Overnight By Accident

In what is being described as a major embarrassment for city government, Baltimore residents awoke today to find all the city’s KFC restaurants had been demolished. Mayor Catherine Pugh explained it was the result of…

Bigotry, Parenting August 16, 2017

President Trump Begs Forgiveness For Brief Dalliance With Moral Decency

With tears streaming from his eyes, President Trump asked for forgiveness this evening from the White Supremacy movement for straying from the path when he flirted with moral decency by issuing a statement condemning them….

Bigotry, Politics August 15, 2017

“Can’t You Get It Into Your Heads That I’m A Racist” Says Frustrated President

At a press conference in Trump Tower today, a visibly drawn President Trump admitted he is exhausted by people constantly wanting him to be what he is not nor has ever represented himself to be….

Bigotry, Health, Politics August 15, 2017

White House Calls For Free Healthcare To Deal With Epidemic Of Right Shoulder Pain

In a startling about-face, the White House has dropped its opposition to any form of socialized medicine and is now advocating for a pilot program specifically aimed at musculoskeletal ailments. The President was moved to…

Bigotry, Politics, Sex August 15, 2017

Nature Watchers Report Rare Sighting Of Female In Oval Office

Naturalists, both professional and amateur, are in a state of great excitement over the alleged sighting of a female of the genus Trumpus Proximitus, which is almost unheard of outside of mating season. “First the…

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