Breaking Burgh - Page 3 of 75 - A satirical blog serving Western Pennsylvania and beyond

Politics, World June 2, 2018

Summit In Doubt Again After Kim Upsets Trump By Expecting Him To Read

The joint US-North Korea summit is in jeopardy after what President Trump called another hugely provocative move by the other side, in this case a letter from Kim Jong-un that was hand delivered to the…

Politics, World June 1, 2018

Melania Trump To Defect To North Korea During Upcoming Summit

President Trump was delighted to learn that wife Melania has expressed a desire to accompany him on his historic summit with the leader of North Korea, which he expects will cement his legacy as a…

Politics, Sex June 1, 2018

Trump Calls Out Samantha Bee “I would never say grab her by the c**t”

President Trump has joined in the criticism of comments made by Samantha Bee, saying her choice of vulgarities was wrong and disrespectful to women. “There’s locker talk and then there’s just plain filth.” Trump asserted…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV May 31, 2018

Trump Grants Pardons To Walter White And Harvey Dent

President Trump today released the names of two more people he is issuing pardons for. Regarding his decision to pardon Walter White of New Mexico, Trump spoke of the difficulties he faced in his life….

Arts & Entertainment, Bigotry, Politics, TV May 30, 2018

New Evidence Reveals Nazi Germany Was The Side Effect Of Sleep Medication

As the fallout from ABC’s cancellation of the sitcom Roseanne continues, its eponymous star is receiving support from historians in her claim that the racist tweets she sent were the result of Ambien. “While we…

Politics, World May 30, 2018

Concerned Rest Of World Stages Intervention For The United States

Saying it is for its own good, and because they love it no matter how terribly it has treated them, the rest of the world has staged an intervention for the United States in an…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV May 29, 2018

President Trump Orders C-SPAN To Pick Up Cancelled ABC Sitcom ‘Roseanne’

In a first for the US executive branch, a sitting President has ordered the cable channel C-SPAN to pick up a TV show cancelled by one of the major networks. Saying he could not let…

Bigotry, Business, Politics May 29, 2018

Starbucks Successfully Ends Racism By Closing For Three-Hour Training Session

In a move being hailed as historic by Civil Rights leaders, Starbucks has shown how easy it is to end racism though the holding of three-hour anti-bias training sessions. Sixties icon John Lewis didn’t hold…

Politics May 28, 2018

Melania Trump To Go On Three-Year Shopping Trip To New York City

Following her recent recovery, First Lady Melania Trump is well again and eager to go on a New York shopping spree to draw attention to clothiers and other vendors of goods in the nation’s tourist…

Health, Politics May 25, 2018

Melania Trump Horrified To Learn She Is Well Enough To Return Home

Details are emerging about the trials and tribulations of the First Lady’s recent medical incident in which she had an operation performed on her kidney at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. She learned…

Arts & Entertainment, God Stuff, Sex May 24, 2018

God Distances Himself From Longtime Collaborator Morgan Freeman

In an effort to get ahead of the damaging story enveloping him, God has released a statement regarding his frequent portrayer Morgan Freeman, who stands accused of improper behavior by a number of women. “Despite…

Politics, World May 24, 2018

North Korea Releases Coin To Commemorate Failed Nuclear Summit

(Pyongyang, DPRK) After already being spoiled by the premature release of a coin to celebrate the now cancelled nuclear summit between the USA and North Korea, numismatists were given a further treat today with the…

Politics, World May 24, 2018

President Trump Awarded Nobel Prize For Gullibility

(Stockholm, Sweden) In a surprise announcement, the Nobel Committee has revealed it has awarded President Donald J. Trump the Nobel Prize for Gullibility, which it said was decided the moment the US-North Korea summit between…

Politics May 24, 2018

Jared Kushner Receives Full Security Clearance And First Pair Of Big Boy Pants

Senior White House adviser Jared Kushner has received his permanent security clearance, ending a long period of uncertainty over his status. Kushner was said to be happy about it, though the good news was overshadowed…

Politics, Sports, Steelers May 23, 2018

NFL Placekick Holders To Perform Their Role Standing Up From Now On

With the ruling that there will be fines for kneeling from now on, the NFL’s placekick holders have announced they are going to change their style of play for the coming season. “We don’t want…

Politics May 21, 2018

Gina Haspel Digs Out Favorite Waterboard To Bring To New Job As CIA Director

After being sworn in as the new CIA Director, Gina Haspel said it was a great honor to be in charge of the intelligence agency, and she couldn’t wait to get down to business. “I…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, Science, TV May 21, 2018

Obama Netflix Deal Proof Our Universe Is A Black Mirror Episode Say Physicists

The world’s leading physicists today announced that reality does not exist after all, and the observed universe we appear to inhabit and experience is in fact a Black Mirror episode playing out in a higher…

Bigotry, Transport, Travel April 19, 2018

United Announces One-Day Shutdown To Train Staff Not To Discriminate Against People Of Color, White People, Children, Dogs, Other Animals

Those traveling on United Airlines should check the dates of their flights, as the company announced today it will have a one-day shutdown at the end of the month to train staff not to discriminate…

Law & Order, Local, Politics April 18, 2018

Local Police Force Makes Itself Focus Of Entire Nation Because Humpday

(Pittsburgh, PA) Saying Wednesday afternoons are a real drag during which it’s hard to stay awake, the Pittsburgh Police Department (PPD) admitted today to leaking riot plans in the event of President Trump firing Robert…

Arts & Entertainment, Politics, TV April 16, 2018

Fox News Requests Sponsors Be Clear Which Show(s) They’re Pulling Ads From

The advertising department of Fox News has requested that its sponsors be very clear during their angry phone calls which of its shows they are pulling ads from, as it’s getting hard to keep track….

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