Frito-Lay Changes Color Of Cheetos To Avoid Association With Trump
The popular snack Cheetos will look different starting tomorrow after Frito-Lay decided to change the color from its traditional bright orange. “Cheetos are now fluorescent green, though with the same great cheesy taste you know…
Trump Declares His Art Camps A Bigly Success
President Trump has responded to drawings by child detainees showing people in cages as evidence of yet another successful policy he has initiated. “These drawings are great. So great! Look at all the detail in…
Thunderstorms Predicted For DC On July 4th A ‘Total Coincidence’ Says God
The Almighty today denied his hand is behind rain and thunderstorms predicted for the Washington DC area on July 4th. “It’s summer – storms happen.” He admits he received a ‘whole lot of prayers’ asking…
President Trump Decides Kneeling Is Okay After Watching Superman II
(The White House) Though well-known for his passionate hatred of kneeling in all its forms, President Trump has had a change of heart after watching the 1980s film Superman II last night. “Sometimes kneeling can…
2020 Census To Ask “Was The Apprentice Better With Donald Trump Or That Loser Arnold?”
The 2020 Census will not feature a controversial question about citizenship, though there are fears other questions that will be asked are designed to identify who is a Trump supporter and who isn’t. Questions to…
Trump Defends July 4th Parade “It’s important we celebrate our Independence from Mexico”
President Trump has rejected criticism of his lavish celebrations taking place on July 4th, saying he is only doing what it right. “It’s important we celebrate our Independence from Mexico.” Trump added that those who…
CBP Parade Float Just Needs Kids To Fill Cage Says Agency Head
Customs and Border Protection head Kevin McAleenan has announced his agency will be taking part in President Trump’s July 4th celebrations. “Obviously the attention will be mostly focused on the military vehicles – especially the…
Trump To Be Honored With Parade Of Military Septic Tanks On July 4th
President Trump is to be given his military parade, with some of the U.S. Army’s heaviest and most important hardware already arriving in Washington D.C. A Pentagon spokesperson said it was their pleasure to grant…
Trump Says 70s Kids Who Hated Busing Should Have Taken An Uber Instead
President Trump has weighed in on the busing debate that has dominated the news cycle ever since Kamila Harris – herself bused as a young child – criticized Joe Biden for opposing mandated busing in…
General Sherman To Be Trump’s Guest Of Honor At July 4th Parade
This year’s July 4th parade has become a lot more interesting to historians, especially of the military history variety, after President Trump announced new Sherman tanks would be on display. “I can’t wait to see…
Trump’s Request For Tank Parade On The Mall To Be Granted
Despite it being initially frowned up, President Trump’s request that the July 4th celebrations include a parade of tanks moving along the National Mall has been granted, it can be revealed. “If he wants tanks,…
Debut Of Phoebe From Friends On World Political Stage Gets Poor Reviews
With the G20 summit over, some of the more unusual happenings are now being discussed by World Leaders. French President Emmanuel Marcon said perhaps the strangest of all was the appearance of Phoebe Buffay at…
Trump Says Bone Spur Stopped Him Joining Brawl That Injured Stephanie Grisham
(DMZ, Korean Peninsula) President Trump has commended his new Press Secretary, Stephanie Grisham, for showing she had the right stuff during a scuffle with North Korean security agents in which she received bruises. He added…
Joe Biden Takes Foot Out Of Mouth For Brief Period
In the latest twist and turn of an exciting start to the election season, Joe Biden topped the political headlines today when his foot briefly made an appearance outside of its normal resting place in…
Wedding Exclusive! Donald Trump & Kim Jong-un Get Hitched At DMZ
In a total surprise to all but their closest friends, US President Donald Trump and North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un have sealed their relationship during a lavish wedding ceremony at the DMZ where the Korean…
Pompeo Reunites With North Korean Negotiating Team During Impromptu Visit To DMZ
While most of the attention was focused on President Trump’s historic crossing into North Korea, important side meetings took place during the recent hastily arranged trip to the De-Militarized Zone (DMZ) on the Korean Peninsula….
Kim Thanks Putin For Letting Him Borrow Stooge Yet Again
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has expressed his profound gratitude to Russian President Vladimir Putin for loaning him President Trump yet another time. “You and the Russian people are most generous with your stooge.” Putin…
Dan Quayle Tells America “Guess I was too dumb to be President, huh?”
Former Vice-President Dan Quayle from the first Bush Administration has penned America a message after reading President Trump’s responses to questions about busing and Putin’s declaration that Western Liberalism is obsolete. “Trump seems to think…
Jimmy Carter Reluctantly Agrees To Run in 2020 To Put An End To This Nonsense
After heavy persuasion by supporters and colleagues, a reluctant Jimmy Carter has finally agreed to run in 2020 to put the country back on the right path. First President in the late 1970s, Carter was…