(Foxborough, PA) Though off to a great start in football terms, New York Patriots owner Robert Kraft today revealed the situation in the backroom and down in Florida is dire.

“Just like with the Steelers and their quarterback situation, my franchise prostitute has sadly experienced a season-ending injury.”

Furthermore, his promising very young backup prostitute also fell victim to a serious head injury and is currently questionable.

“In truth it was more of a neckstrain, but the consequences are just as serious.”

Kraft expressed confidence in his third-string prostitute who will get to start and end later today, but is also planning for the worst.

“I’m inclined to sign a veteran who knows how to get the job done just in case.”