After being charged with multiple offences by special counsel Robert Mueller, news has leaked that former Trump aide Paul Manafort has assured his family that he will never go to jail.
“It doesn’t matter what I’ve done, kids, because a Presidential pardon covers everything.”
Manafort kept how he plans to persuade the President close to his chest, leading his wife to wonder what hold he might have over Trump.
“He’s a smart man so I’m sure whatever it is it will work.”
He has asked his family to keep their nerve for now, as Manafort said he couldn’t get the pardon straight away for logistical reasons they need not concern themselves with.
“It may take a couple of days to make it happen, but happen it will.”
However news that Manafort intends to gain access to the President reached Chief-of-Staff John Kelly, who is determined to maintain a safe distance from anyone under indictment.
“He’s not dressed himself up as a turkey has he, because I’m wise to that ever since General Flynn turned up here covered in feathers saying ‘gobble gobble’ over and over.”