As Pittburghers hold vigils and say goodbye to loved ones, Mayor Peduto has said there will be serious consequences if the current predicted snowfall turns out to be a false alarm.

“I have ordered that all local forecasters be put to death if the city is not destroyed by snow and ice in the next twenty-four hours.”

Forecasters are being trailed by Pittsburgh Police to ensure they don’t try to make a break for a nice Tennessee TV station if it looks like they are facing a death sentence here. City residents praised Peduto for taking a firm stance.

“I’m sick of traipsing to Giant Iggle to buy more bread, milk, beer, and toilet paper than Lichtenstein uses in a year for no good reason. If this is a non-event I fully support the Mayor’s firing squads.”

Ironically, the cruel and unpopular dismissal of Jeff Verszyla may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

“KDKA may have just saved Jeff’s life.”