Peduto “Area Weather Forecasters To Be Executed If Pittsburgh Isn’t Destroyed By Snow”

As Pittburghers hold vigils and say goodbye to loved ones, Mayor Peduto has said there will be serious consequences if the current predicted snowfall turns out to be a false alarm.

“I have ordered that all local forecasters be put to death if the city is not destroyed by snow and ice in the next twenty-four hours.”

Forecasters are being trailed by Pittsburgh Police to ensure they don’t try to make a break for a nice Tennessee TV station if it looks like they are facing a death sentence here. City residents praised Peduto for taking a firm stance.

“I’m sick of traipsing to Giant Iggle to buy more bread, milk, beer, and toilet paper than Lichtenstein uses in a year for no good reason. If this is a non-event I fully support the Mayor’s firing squads.”

Ironically, the cruel and unpopular dismissal of Jeff Verszyla may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

“KDKA may have just saved Jeff’s life.”

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