Pences Commence Rapture Protocol After Gay Man Announces Presidential Bid

Vice President Mike Pence has thanked his staff for their service, saying he no longer needed their services now that the Apocalypse was upon us.

“Some of you I may seen again soon, and to the rest, good luck.”

The occasion of his decision was the news that a gay man was running for President, indicating that the Prince of Darkness had extended his dominion over earthly affairs and that the endtimes had arrived as predicted by the Word.

“Fortunately Karen and I have rehearsed for this many times.”

The Vice President and his wife were last seen heading for a large open space in what is believed to be a personally-devised rapture-preparedness routine.

“He is very concerned about them banging their heads against a crane or other tall structure during the ascension.”

5 Comments on "Pences Commence Rapture Protocol After Gay Man Announces Presidential Bid"

  1. Stefan Salter | April 17, 2019 at 5:12 am | Reply

    Pence, aparenttly is ok with the President having affairs with porn stars and grabbing women by the ‘pussy’ ,, the Presidents words not mine, but gay is too much for him to handle? Cone on,, if your going to hide behind the comandments of your faith,, then at least apply that judgment equally. Hypocriticall behavior is so ugly and easy to call out.

  2. Well with the way they both treated people on this earth they should be worried and repent for all there non Christian behavior and he should come out already those that oppose so much usually are hiding something within themselves to you on self be true

  3. What is this? It’s satire.

  4. SHARON DILLON | April 14, 2019 at 7:57 pm | Reply

    Pence is supposed to be Catholic. I went to catholic school and I never once heard anything about a Rapture. I never learned about Armageddon. What the hell is this ?

    • Kathleen Pfeiffer | April 14, 2019 at 8:41 pm | Reply

      He left the Catholic church when it became too “liberal” for him. He considers himself an Evangelical Christian.

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