After suffering a humiliating 51-6 thrashing by Penn State at Heinz Field, Pitt officials did not hesitate to squarely assign the blame at a post game conference.

“I think we can all agree this is Le’Veon Bell’s fault.”

Though Bell was technically ineligible to play due to him being one of the best talents in the NFL and clearly in a different league to anyone on Heinz field on Saturday, and possibly any other night, Pitt said that if anyone’s to blame, it’s him.

“There was no danger to his body on the field tonight as he could easily outrun or out-tackle any of these kids, so the least he could have done is turn up and made the score 456-51 in Pitt’s favor.”

Faced with accusations he was blaming Bell merely to deflect attention from Pitt’s dismal football program and overpaid coaching staff, Pat Narduzzi stuck to his guns.

“That may all be true, okay it’s completely true, but right here right now it’s time to blame Le’Veon Bell for anything bad in Pittsburgh sports, whether that’s the Pirates not making the post-season or the Pitt-Penn State rivalry being a joke, and you can’t say we aren’t playing our part.”