(Pittsburgh, PA) The Peduto administration has announced it is proceeding with plans to accept almost half a million refugees from Cleveland. The Major decided it had to be done after completing a personal tour of the failed city.
“I could not live with myself otherwise.”
Peduto has appealed for sympathy for the refugees, saying they are simply seeking a better life than the one they have in the hellhole they find themselves in.
“The squalor and sense of hopelessness there is beyond description.”
But he’s expected to have a hard time convincing regular Pittsburghers to back the plan, many of whom expressed concerns that the refugees will not integrate but keep to themselves in tight-knit neighborhoods.
“Yinz better not engage in that kind of behavior here n’at.”
Then there’s the fear that many of those being resettled may not be genuine refugees at all, but NFL migrants seeking a better football team.
“We can’t let everyone in who’s suffering from a terrible football franchise as there simply isn’t enough room to accommodate every Browns and Jets fan.”