Today Pittsburgh hosts the second largest St. Patrick’s Day parade in the country. The green beer will be a’flowin, in Market Square and all along the South Side. But it doesn’t end there according to one self-employed entrepreneur who operates out of McKees Rocks, who would rather not be named.

“On St. Patrick’s Day Pittsburghers expect their beer to be green – and their class A narcotics too.”

He says the fanatical celebrations at this time of year extend to practically every aspect of life, such is the City’s obsession with all things Irish.

“On Parade Day I literally cannot give regular-colored crack away. It has to be green.”

He won’t reveal his tinting methods as that’s a closely guarded trade secret, but he will say that crack sells best if it’s a bright almost-neon green, whereas smackheads expect their gear to look an intense murky emerald color in the syringe.

“If not, they won’t inject it into their veins, but will come looking for me demanding their money back.”

He warns that – just like with 100 barrels of Rolling Rock – you can turn it green, but you can’t turn it back.

“It’s important to dye the right amount of product because no-one wants green crack once St. Patrick’s Day is over. It just feels stupid.”