As Pittsburghers enjoyed yet another fireworks show today for one reason or another, or perhaps no reason at all, Mayor Peduto announced that the City will be having fireworks round the clock from now on.

“It’s going to be sports most of the time, and fireworks all the time in the Steel City.”

A barge will be permanently moored on the Ohio River between the Point and Neville Island, with smaller boats used to resupply it every morning and late afternoon. Fireworks will be set off continuously without end starting Monday, though the pace will slow down somewhat in the pre-dawn hours.

“But don’t worry because it will pick up by 7am for commuters stuck on the Parkway to enjoy.”

Despite initial budgetary concerns, the only extra cost is to fill in the time between all the scheduled fireworks shows that were already taking place, which didn’t add up too much.

“Turns out we were already having firework displays almost around the clock to begin with!”

Further savings will be realized by having a full-time City Fireworks operations team, instead of paying for each fireworks show individually.

“No-one need ever ask why there are fireworks again!”