Pittsburgh Secedes From Commonwealth Of Pennsylvania And Joins French Republic

The City of Pittsburgh has abruptly left the United States following a whirlwind of dramatic events triggered when President Donald Trump said he was ‘elected by the people of Pittsburgh, not Paris’ as he withdrew from the Paris accord on measures to mitigate climate change.

The remark was considered doubly wrong as it implies Pittsburgh is still the dying rust-belt city it was in the 1980s when Trump last read a newspaper, and Pittsburgh did not in fact go for Trump in the 2016 election, though many regions outside the city limits did.

Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto was so angered and embarrassed by the remark that he immediately put in a call to newly elected French President Emmanuel Macron to explain he was not a Trump fan. Macron said he completely understood, and issued an on-the-spot invitation to join the French Republic. After a moment’s hesitation Peduto accepted, and, though the measure has to ratified by plebiscite tomorrow, it is expect to pass easily.

At that point Pittsburgh will officially become part of France, and will be administered as part of the administrative région of Occitanie, with the option to become a more autonomous overseas department like French Guiana at a future date if desired.

It is not known at this time how President Trump will respond to the French Tricolour flying in front of Pittsburgh’s City-County building. Président Macron has advised Pittsbearguers to surrender peacefully whilst whistling La Marseillaise if confronted by U.S. forces, and promises to vigorously pursue a United Nations Resolution condemning the illegal detention of French citizens by the United States.

The International Community has already indicated informally that it recognizes the legitimacy of French Pittsburgh, especially as the city was founded by the French as Fort Duquesne in the 18th century.

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33 Comments on "Pittsburgh Secedes From Commonwealth Of Pennsylvania And Joins French Republic"

  1. Bon idee! From 1754 until late fall of 1758, Pittsburgh (then called Fort Duquesne)was an outpost of New France. Yinz are all gonna love our command of French pronunciation….We have towns near Pittsburgh called Charleroi, North Versailles, Ligonier and Counties named Montour and Fayette etc., so years and years of practice speaking french very badly! Vive la France.

  2. Congress must pass a Declaration of War on France and seize Pittsburgh for concentration camp. Let them eat rust!

  3. Besides being incredibly fucked up, you people are very stupid

  4. NAT OCONNELL | June 4, 2017 at 3:58 am | Reply

    fun fun fun

  5. Lemieux

  6. How horrible!
    ….Imagine your loved ones conquered by Napoleon and forced to live under French rule? Do you want them to eat that rich food and those heavy sauces? Do you want them to have soufflé every meal and croissant?

  7. Is this for real?

    • Yes, Patty. It’s real. You will no be eligible for totally free healthcare and a free college education. Which, it appears, you are in dire need of.

  8. As you are with France now you can enjoy free health care, almost free university, reduced work week, more mandatory vacation time, free help from nannies when you have kids. Welcome to freedom folks

  9. I’m glad someone finds the humor in this sad and dangerous time in the US. Trump is isolating us from our allies, humiliating them to hatred, preparing us for Putin, giving up our freedom.

  10. Reactionary and dumb

  11. Guess you guys need to start packing. And all Federal funds you receive – Social Security, Medicare, Disability, Infrastructure funding should be stopped immediately. And as you are no longer American citizens – then until you apply for legal immigrant status – you are here illegally.

    • if they’re residents of france now, they can get actual social services instead of the poor excuses that the american government doles out – or holds back. i’ll always be a pittsburgher at heart, but living in france 20 years ago taught me what real social services are, and now, living in finland, they’re even better! what the US calls the welfare state is obviously not concerned with people’s actual welfare at all.

    • You are dumb

  12. That means Pittsburgh will never be on The Winning Side Of Another War

  13. After all, Macron speaks better English..

  14. Luis Ibarra | June 3, 2017 at 4:11 am | Reply

    Je suis né a Paris France au millieux de la seconde guerre mondiale. Heureux de voir Pittsburgh adoptée pzr la France thank you Mayor of Pittsburgh for doing this move!!!

  15. Merci beaucoup. J’ai t’aime.

  16. Come on Allentown!!! Let’s join Pittsburgh!!!

  17. Magnifique! Perhaps I will move to Pittsburgh to join the newly formed part of the illustrious French empire! Vive Macron! A bas Trump!

  18. So what does this mean? Born & raised in the Burgh..Planning visit first week in August..does this mean I need a passport?

  19. Kathy Gensure | June 2, 2017 at 7:25 pm | Reply

    45 will not know the disparity in the flags. They are the same color, aren’t they. Vive la difference.

  20. Patrice Gerrero | June 2, 2017 at 5:21 pm | Reply

    Une Pittsburgher ici. Bonjours mes ami a Paris. Nous sommes tres jolie d’etre Francais! Merci pour acceptment dans votre nation.

    • (I swear that I have not used Google Translate) : A Pittsburgher here. Hello my friend in Paris. We are very happy to be French. Thank you for your invitation
      ( Is that right? About?) Here: Bonjour, en Europe! C’est tellement agréable de voir qu’il y a encore des gens raisonnables là-bas.

  21. So happy that we’re joining France! Gotta run and brush up on my non-existent French skills.

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