(Pittsburgh, PA) In a move sure to please advocates for climate change action, the second largest city in the state of Pennsylvania has announced it will be America’s first large metropolis with a comprehensive ban on automobiles in place. The move was taken, according to Mayor Bill Peduto, after his bike lane initiative proved so popular with city residents, especially older ones in neighborhoods like Bloomfield and the North Side.

“It’s time to take the next step.“

Transportation experts say it’s a logical move, given how much locals complain about driving in the city.

“All Pittsburghers seems to do is moan about how much they hate it – well now they don’t have to because it will be illegal!”

Plans call for a gradual removal of streets from the city’s legal road network, with a target of there being no thoroughfares open to vehicular traffic by 2022.

“We’ll be withdrawing four to five major roads a day from use until the entire system is just bike lanes and pedestrian spaces.”

The change will be complimented by a massive expansion of public transportation, including an underground system to rival that of London and Tokyo.

“Soon any gas or electric vehicle found within city limits will be confiscated on the spot and sold off to pay for the transition.”

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