(Pittsburgh, PA) As the fighting continues in the middle east, city residents today extended an invitation to the Israeli Defense Forces to blow up some tunnels in the Steel City instead of Gaza.
“We can’t promise you’ll kill any Hamas fighters, but there’s a Tunnel Monster whom we’re pretty sure denies the right of the State of Israel to exist.”
They suggest a first strike on the Squirrel Hill tunnels, then taking out the Fort Pitt tunnels in a second wave.
“Unfortunately the Liberty tunnels are impervious to conventional airstrikes, unless you want to use that nuclear weapon everyone knows you have – which would be great.”
Advocates of the invited attack say that by destroying the tunnels connecting Downtown, the Hill District and the East End to the South Hills, both communities could finally live together side-by-side without having to interact.
“Kind of a two-state solution if you will.”