Pokémon Go has been released and the augmented reality mobile game is already turning the world upside down as avid players in search of Pokémon are uncovering secrets that have lasted years and even generations. The FBI has finally been able to close its investigation into the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa, after a gamer found his remains in a Detroit sewer.
“It appears Hoffa tripped while engrossed in a crossword puzzle and fell into an open manhole. So it was just an unfortunate accident, which means Danni DeVito’s movie is all wrong now.”
Also recently discovered is the plane Amelia Earhart used on her last tragic flight, which was located when tens of thousands of Pokémon hunters descending on the South Pacific following a tip that it was full of pokestops.
“Her body is still to be discovered – she must have survived the crash and left the aircraft in search of help. We’ll dispatch a team to find it as soon as we –no need – someone has just found it.”
Perhaps most shocking is the discovery of a stockpile of weapons of mass destructions in a shed outside of Baghdad, where Pokémon is hugely popular now despite being banned for many years by dictator Saddam Hussein in a classic example of his ruthlessness. Experts confirmed the find was the real deal.
“Looks like WMDs alright, which means the UK’s seven year Chilcot report into the causes of the Iraq war is total bollocks just days after being released.”
The FBI is now predicting a wave of confessions in order to earn good favor in advance of evidence of crimes being uncovered.
“Thanks to Pokémon Go, there’s no hiding the truth anymore.”